I’MMA FULL-FIGURED WOMAN,
That grew up with low self esteem,
Other girls dressed up & played with Barbie,
But I dreamed to be like mommy,
Scurrying’ back & forth on the court,
On the hood’s basketball team.
I had all the male attention,
But yet, I felt as though I didn’t exist,
I just wanted to be noticed, maybe the main focus,
But all I got was a slap on the butt
For shootin’ jays, stickin’ to the plays,
& makin’ the net go… (((swish)))…but…
…INTO MY SKIN…
…Into my skin, loneliness moved in…
The prissy girls played the clarinet & flute,
To sit & be cute,
But I was beatin’ drums,
With the strength of Donkey Kong,
With the heart & enthusiasm from my historical root.
Hated dresses because my legs were short & stubby,
….I was energetic…
…but though it’s genetic,
I still remained chubby.
Had a crush on my childhood best friend,
But he considered me as one of his boys,
Didn’t want a girl whose armpit smelled worse than his,
With a stench that suddenly destroys, but…
…INTO MY SKIN…
…Into my skin, self-doubt moved in…
Hostess was my homie,
We was always chillin’,
But that crème fillin’,
Started catching up,
…Thighs thickenin’…
…Hips spreading…
…. Unwillin’…
I was not only that pretty face,
I was insecure about the dispersal of my weight.
I went from junior to misses,
But as I tried to fit my thighs into the misses size,
…my thigh was too thick.
I told the sales lady,
“…these must be runnin’ small,
Because these jeans just don’t fit…”
So by surprise,
She said, “Sweetie, if you walk back there to “plus size”,
That’ll definitely do the trick”, but…
…INTO MY SKIN…
..Into my skin, shame moved in…
I was fifteen,
& he said, “You’re the most beautiful queen,
Not a stick figure standard on Cosmo Magazine”,
Indeed, he lied just to get in my jeans,
But I said “NO”, I wanna’ be pure & clean.
He got mad & held me down,
Undoin’ my clothes & said
“Don’t make a sound”.
I was nearly rapped until I felt somethin’ new,
Looked into his eyes & said,
“What would Jesus do?”
Because my esteem was low,
I began doin’ things to fill empty voids,
Sex, weed, liquor…
But my spirit was utterly destroyed, but…
…INTO MY SKIN…
Into my skin, more demons moved in…
Wreakin’ havoc on God’s plan with oppression,
We give them too much power, will & authority,
We wrestle not against flesh & blood,
But spiritual wickedness & principalities…
I bind up confusion, low esteem & self doubt,
In Jesus name, we have the power to cast those devils out, so
INTO MY SKIN…
Into my skin, the Holy Spirit moved in…
I began to find myself, love myself,
& stop hidin’ my stories behind the computer screen,
I’m standin’ before masses & pursuin’ my every dream.
I got a purpose on the inside & its time to give birth,
But for a while, I was a hindrance,
I lost sight of my worth.
I learned to lift my head up & never look down,
Woulda’ never found my beauty by calculatin’ every pound.
I was told I had the power to make any man drool,
I refuse to use my goodies as a man-pullin’ tool.
I have power in my words that everyone has yet to see,
I’m anointed, I’m beautiful,
But most importantly,
I’m a child of a KING.
INTO MY SKIN…
Into my skin, self esteem moved in…
Lost 10-15 pounds,
Love handles & waist goin’ down,
Never had a butt, but you know what,
My low self esteem doors have long been shut.
Never to be reopened,
I’m standing tall…above all,
Because I found myself…I love myself,
& refuse to hide behind the computer screen,
I’m standin’ before masses & pursuin’ my every dream.
I found that peace that surpasses all understandin’,
I’m pushin’ away excess food to prevent my waist from expandin’.
We’ve all had insecurities that was barriers in our lane,
But there comes a day when you gotta’ stand up to those demons, look them in the eye & say,
“No More Pain”…
…because…
…INTO MY SKIN…
Into my skin, CHANGE moved in…
© Angelic Melodii [Carla Johnson] 2010
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