Touches In The Night ..... by Mel B.

Growing up, I was already thicker than the other girls.  When I grew breasts around 8 or so, my mama didn't buy me a bra because she said it was fat.  When I started my cycle at 11, she said I must have done something wrong.  My femininity was never celebrated growing up.  I had womanly curves, but I was very much still a little girl.  My mama has recently admitted that she was scared that someone would touch me because I was so shapely.  Well, they did...  I wrote this on March 10, 2007 at 8:40 a.m.  It's called "Touches in the Night."

 

I've had touches in the night

Hesitant ones, rough ones, inappropriate ones

Ones to "check to see if I'd wet the bed"

This was a touch in the night that led

To my sister and I running next door

The police, ambulance, hospital, and more

Mama had left us with the touch alone

At the end of it all, we four ended up back at home

But I don't remember the touch touching

anymore

I've had touches in the night

Drunk ones, rough ones, inappropriate ones

Ones who touched when my aunt

Was asleep next to me

She was also as drunk as she could be

These touches should have been touching on her

Instead, they thought with her niece they'd share

Touches who in the daytime spoke of one day marrying her

There in the night tried pushing past my barriers

Thank God they were unsuccessful

 

I've had touches in the night

Accused ones, rough ones, inappropriate ones

Those who, I guess, put off for years

One day gave in to what my mom had feared

On a night when his real children had stayed

Crawled in my bed and tried to take what I'd saved

He gave up, finding out it was hard

The next day, mama locked us both out in the yard

I stayed with Big Mama for several months

I couldn't bear living there after that stunt

Eventually I went home to be with my mom

But I've never told her exactly what was wrong

 

I've had touches in the night

Stolen ones, rough ones, inappropriate ones

Who I'd thought was kinda cute during the day

Who later came in the room where I lay

Asleep in his sister's house

Still fully clothed in my swimsuit

It took me years to finally speak the truth

My swimsuit barrier he pushed aside

Just like with the ones before him,

I never opened my eyes

He laid there til morning to cover up the lie

I had my daughter nine months later

 

I've had touches in the night

That stole my innocence away

Something that belong to my husband someday

But God has given me a true man indeed

This is touch in the morning he brings

A welcoming touch - gentle and loving

Healing and soothing, it speaks to my soul

Those touches in the night may have been unclean

But with God, their sins and mine are redeemed

And there is nothing like the touches I'm getting now!